The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I will pee on everything he values.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
