My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
