hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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