He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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