I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
