The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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