she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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