my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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