& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
