forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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