u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
