I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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