I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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