Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
