That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
someone owes me an orgasm
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
