final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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