I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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