sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize