I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
