You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
