i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
