last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
