When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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