I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
