positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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