Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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