Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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