I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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