i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
