VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
