if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sarcasm needs its own font
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
