he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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