Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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