it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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