Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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