If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize