Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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