My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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