i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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