I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
