Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
