you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
