were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize