just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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