You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
