Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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