Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
should my penis look like a turkey
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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