also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
