The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
