i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
