thus making me awesome and them whores
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
either way he was missing a nipple.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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