Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
