Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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