That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
