I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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