Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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