im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize