Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
