Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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