if you like me you must not know who I am
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
