He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
