I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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