I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
