I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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