this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
