were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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