i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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