We won't sleep together?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
