Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
