I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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