You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
